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hakatara Tuarua - The 2nd Challenge
Finish the Moment
What happens if you open the door?
What happens if you DON'T open the door?
Is the box important?
What happens if you open the box?
What happens if you DON'T open the box?
Show what happens in the next moment in time.
To be a winner, you must:
- keep your reader in suspense (wanting to read more!)
- use detailed adjectives (describing words) and strong verbs (action words)
- write as though everything is happening in slow motion
Write your moment in time in the comments below. Remember to add your first name and room. Entries in by 3pm Friday.
The box. The door. The crumbling brick. It begged me to enter. Would I? With my ear pressed against the peeling paintwork, I listened intently. Silence. Finslly whispers bursted out. Gunshots. I bolted further and further. Yelling in a foreign language, they shot again. I didn't know who they were. I still don't. A splitting pain erupted in my shoulder. Blood.
ReplyDeleteThe box. The door. The crumbling brick. It begged me to enter. Would I? With my ear pressed against the peeling paint, I listed intently. Silence. Whispers burst out. Gunshots. I bolted further and further. They shot again. I didn't know who they were. I still don't. A pain erupted in my shoulder. Blood.
ReplyDeleteYou turn the rusted bronze handle and the door squeaks on its hinges and you walk in to the inky blackness. A splintered wooden table leered out of the box. Something jumped out of the and clobbered him straight in the jaw. Scratches. Gashes. Blood. Head. Floor. Pain. Blackness.
ReplyDelete-Jack room 2:-)
The door cracked open. Something jumped out of the box. Something nimble, something deadly. Impact. Scratches. Gashes. Blood. Falling. Blackness.
ReplyDeleteMy cold hands touch the cardboard substance of the red velvet box as it flutters open. The manipulative and mysterious object inside starts glowing like fireworks on a dark night. Above the red velvet object towers a shadowy figure. The figure was tall and rectangular, the pale blue colour staring into blankness. The glowing substance that lays inside the box lands at my feet leading me towards the pale blue door. As it creaked open, I could feel my heart beating in terror. Suddenly a clod chill rushes out, my body touching the floor with a thump and my eyes no longer blinking.
ReplyDelete3 months later...
The police found a body near a pale blue door. Blood stains seeped out of the ragged dress, scars covering her face and skin as white as snow. The body wasn't rotten, seemed like the victim died just a few days ago yet the results say the heart stopped beating 3 months ago...
Izzah Rm 2
The box. The door. It begged me to enter. I burst through the crumbling wall instead of entering through the door, debris covering my face, choking dust. As I walk down the massive corridor, I see a brightly colored box, It lit up my face.
ReplyDeleteThe scrappy blue paint peels as it waits and waits for my lurking attention. I take a slow step backwards. Immediately a stiff brick crashes in front of my shaking body. The rustic door creeks open very slowly but only half way from what I can see. All I sense is a empty room of darkness.
ReplyDeleteElliott Rm 16
The box.The door.
ReplyDeleteThe crumbling bricks
It begged me to enter.
I walked to the door slowly.
My hands shaking, I opened the battered up door slowly.
My body shaking like never before, my heart beating as fast as the speed of light.
A brick wall behind the door I saw a big box next to it.
I opened it. I saw a sledge hammer.
Picking the sledge hammer up, he swung it back. He used all his strength to swing it ford. BANG. The brick wall came crashing down.
Nice work with the sledgehammer! try to stay in 1st person though. That sudden change could deter some readers.
DeleteJohn sports shoes lead him to the door his right hand reach for the doorknob. His hand was sweating dripping onto the hot concrete his hands were slipping off the doorknob. Then he grabbed the doorknob he twisted it right it didn't open. So he twisted it left John heard a crack. John twisted it more to the left and it open. John looked in and it was Eddie da da dannnnnnnn.
ReplyDeleteTaine room 22
I stepped forward, each step seeming like stepping on small stones across a river of lava. When I reached the door,it seemed to beckon to me. My mouth was in a tight grimace when I picked up the blood-red box. I didn't want to open it. But I did want to open the door. As it ever-so-slowly creaked open, the room inside told me there was much more to the box than just being a box...
ReplyDeleteThe box. The door. The crumbling brick. It begged me to enter. I didn't know whether or not I should, though. My mind screamed "no", but my curiosity got the better of me. I merely touched the door handle before it opened for me. 'Leave now, the better thing to do than enter', I thought. My feet moved anyway. There's nothing in there, but sounds. A melodious voice coaxed me onwards, like a siren. A scream rang out clearly in the distance, but it didn't deter me. Suddenly, I fell to the ground with a dull thud. Turning, I saw a brick. 'That wasn't there before' I thought. I had a feeling I wasn't going to be back home for dinner...
ReplyDeleteRida, Room 1
Nice work, Rida. The "..." adds extra suspense. Maybe you could try showing facts(a.k.a. involve it in an action) instead of just telling everything.
DeleteI stared intently at the mysterious blue door, and the strange red parcel beneath it.
ReplyDelete“I must…”
“But I shouldn’t…”
These words rang through my head. A brick started falling from the wall, emitting a peculiar light. I broke into a sweat. My heart pulsed. I stuttered.
“I-I’m doing it!” I shouted, a bit too loudly. I gripped the box with one sweaty hand and partially opened the door with the other. I heard strange screams, slowly fading into nothing. A once bright light disappeared. I creeped ever so slowly into the building, every atom in my body trembling. Every second felt like a century. I carefully opened the parcel and had a peek. Before I could process anything something grabbed me. It’s slimy hands gripped tighter as I tried to move away. “You’ll pay for this,” a terrified voice muttered.
By Malinn in Room 5
before I start for some reason it is using my brothers acount this is Joel Blunt
ReplyDeletethe box. The door. The crumbling brick. I had opened the box a few days ago all it was just a bonesaw the door begged me to enter. the door creaked open I fumbled around my duffel bag for a flashlight "hello I got your mail again I'm here to return it" My hands finally close on the flashlight I take it out and shine the beam at the wall in front of me blood, stains the endless grafiti around me. I will myself to go forward i slowly edge forward I feel my foot land on something squichy I shine the flashlight down a man I step back scratch that half a man I I run for the door three figures are at the door I look behind me a baseball bat smashes me around the face i look up to see a blood stained brick falling i open my mouth to scream but it is too late.
I stared at the bright blue door in front of me. How can a door be creepy and cool at the same time. What am I going to do. I decided to walk away remembering what happened last week to Christopher. But I had to find out what happened to Christopher. He was my friend. I had to find out what happened to him.
ReplyDeleteI turned back to the door. I reached out for the door handle. As my trembling hand was about open the door, the door started opening. It eased open a little bit then stopped. Just enough for me to peek in. I peeked inside, it was pitch black. I could see the vague outline of an electric door opener. This was a haunted house! I ran away screaming.
Oliver, Rm 2
The box, the door, the crumbling brick, it begged me to enter. Old ghostly paint came away from the bricks many years ago, it’s empty slot sits above a sky blue door, waiting for a victim...a victim like me. Sitting on an uneven step, a bright crimson box, begging to be opened...I didn’t dare.
ReplyDeleteIt’s like it’s wanting me to explore. I wonder what on the other side? The door creaks open. At first all I can see is pitch black darkness, but I step inside anyway. I suddenly drop face first in a deep dark hole! AWWWWWWWWWWWW I scream it's like it never ends.
ReplyDeleteTHUD! I found the bottom. When I finally get myself up I found out I was lying on a box. It was small but i knew it was powerful which made me feel anxious. My mind was going crazy, I quickly climbed back up jump out of the hole as fast as lightning and slammed the door closed behind me.
But really as I think now what was actually in that box and why is it so powerful? So I turned around and put my hand back on the door knob.
Monica Rm 15
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ReplyDeleteA man walks down casually down a street pausing to breath in the morning air. He comes up to a small cottage built with now crumbling bricks and a blue door, outside the door sits a small brown package tied up in string. The man pauses outside the door and checks up and down the street before walking cautiously up to the small package. He bends down and picks up the package carefully weighing it in his hands. He gently tugs on the string and the paper unfolds, he stares breath taken at the object inside the package before dropping the package on the footpath and sprinting down the street. The brown paper wraps back around the object and the string ties itself around the brown paper and there the package lies outside a door in the middle of a street.
ReplyDeleteThe box. The door. The crumbling brick It begged me to enter. I slowly stepped closer and closer. I reached my hand out to open it. As my heart starts to race and my body starts to shiver I turn the doorknob. Dust falls off the ceiling I hear a crack. The crumbling brick starts to fall I jump through the door and Freeze in fear. Then the door slams behind me I see limbs towering limbs blood slowly dripping down the walls. I hear a voice I slowly lie down this is the end.
ReplyDeleteKaleb Rm 13
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ReplyDelete“The box. The door. The crumbling brick. It begged me to enter.” As I gaze into the blue oak door, crumbles of brick drop to my feet. I hold onto the the rusty door handle. Do I pick the door or the box?
ReplyDeleteI concentrate on the box. “It could be gold,” I whisper to myself. I reach down to the box as the door slowly creaks open. My eyes bulge as a dark hallway drags me in.
By Mateja Rm 4
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ReplyDelete“The box.The door.The crumbling brick.It begged me to enter.”
ReplyDeleteWalking towards the creaking door with scaredness. I wait in silence.I look around.The streets are deserted accepted a lonely child.Her eyes look at me.She puts her hand out and whisper help me.Turned back to the door the child walked closer.Should I go in or should I stay with the only kid?
Dominique R15
The mold on the side was as dark as hell. But the blue color drew me in like a kids new toy.
ReplyDeleteI felt the changing winds blowing through my face like a hurricane but the trees weren't swaying and the cars alarms weren't swearing and the flags weren't flapping It was dead silent all round except where i was standing bye this old fragile structure END
A box filled with nothing then suddenly. A the bright blue door stands there waiting to swing aside, As I walk forward the door suddenly swings to the side slowly… I enter, a large knife lies on the middle of the dark oak floor as I inspect the rusty old knife. The door slams shut. I’m left in darkness I drop the knife and run to the door as the light seeps through the cracks in the walls. Footsteps, I turn around a cloaked figure stands in pure white steps forward with unimaginable speed as if he was never there then he shows me the knife and thrusts it into me my white shirt turning dark red then he steps back like a flash of lightning into the darkness and disappears.
ReplyDeleteI wake in a room rotten and abandoned, dark and forgotten. A smash window lies upon a rotten league. The night sky falls with uncountable lights the moon swooping in to save them. I look down to see a stale red wound but instead the knife lies in me my pale skin white as the moon gleaming in the sky I look forward only to see the figure step into the light and turn to ash with a deathning scream.
By Morgan Room 3
The box, the door, The crumbling brick, it begged me to enter.
ReplyDeleteI find myself in a room full of cobwebs and algae growing on the walls. Inside is just a bed and what you could call a window. It wasn't really a window, it was actually a part of the wall that had three bricks pushed out of it. It was awfully silent, you could hear a pin drop. I start to get frightened so I reach for the door, but it's not there! I frantically bang my fists against the wall, screaming. I knew it would do nothing, but I was too scared to stop. I eventually stop and moan, leaning on the wall. Then suddenly, The bricks underneath my feet started to rumble and fall apart. Whoosh!
I wake, injured, lying on the sidewalk. I looked up and someone was staring down at me. I felt the blood leaking from my arms. To my shock, the man was my neighbour! He asked me what I was doing in the city. I told him what had happened and he rang my parents and took me to the hospital. While he was driving I started feeling dozy. Then fell asleep. END
From Sam Cooper Room 1
ReplyDeleteThe box,the door,the crumbling brick,it dared me to enter
ReplyDeletebut I wouldn't dear.I strutted across to the door it stared darkly at me.I found myself in a dark room full of cobwebs a junk .where was I
?.
I wake up lying on a bed in a small room my hand was on my stomach.I saw drops of blood coming down from the bed it was my blood what has happened to me I started to panic.I quickly scurried across the room to the door but it was locked.
Where am I ALL THE WINDOWS WERE SMASHED!!!!!!.The door creaked open waiting me to exit what would be next I thought to myself.I heard a deep scream come from upstairs the door shut,something was very wrong I turned around and that was the end!!!.